The Art of Referring

You are having wonderful results.  Your doctor is hilarious.  The staff is kind and helpful.  Your visits are more fun than most of the rest of your week.  You feel listened to and heard…cared for and guided.  You feel empowered and more confident.  You are grateful for your experience.  

And still, you can’t get so and so to pick up the phone and call Dr. Stone.  You watch them struggle, feel lousy, function lousy, complain loudly, take advice that clearly isn’t working…and you really care about them.  

What’s the deal!?  Can’t they see how much better you are doing?  Can’t they see that what they are doing is not working?  Why won’t they listen to you!?

First…know that this is not unusual.  I have family…I know how it works.  Our culture is soooo immersed in medicine, even my own kids refer to MDs as “real” doctors.  (Although I think they have my sense of humor and are messing with me.)

Your best probability for getting someone to try something new or different, and this is for anything, is to know your audience’s needs.  

If you communicate how our process meets their needs, their motive will change.  If their motive, or motivation changes,  their actions…and their result…will change.  

You know what you need, but it is different for everyone.  Something I said in an email, video, or wherever, MET YOUR NEEDS.  That is why you showed up and took the chance.  Some people are motivated by connection, others by making a difference, growth, certainty, variety or contribution.  Those are the basic human needs.

Some people will love to hear the excitement of your results, as well as patient testimonials, and case studies. They would appreciate to hear that our patient satisfaction rate in the past year and a quarter is 89%! 

For others it will just trigger an anxiety that it WON’T work for them.  

These people may be more motivated by your telling them that Dr. Stone really hears your problems…he really listens.  He takes his time, pays attention, and is really dedicated to helping you.  

Some people are tired of explaining what their problem is…what they need is some “scientific” security.  Again, met by our process…you might tell them how complete the lab testing is…that you have never seen anything so in depth.  It checks every system and identifies what EVER is wrong with you.

Still others have no faith in the testing…in fact, after spending a ton of money on testing, their doctor told them nothing was wrong with them.  These people may appreciate how unique this process is.  You can tell them how much different this process and protocol is than what they are used to.  “Check it out, see how different it is.  If you’re not wowed by how unique the examination and explanation is, don’t go back…but if you are, well, maybe it could be the right path for you.”  

Still others have no interest in different, or same, or differently same.  Who cares…nobody can tell me what is going on with my health.  These people will truly appreciate validation…that is the process of understanding what is wrong…that it’s not all in their head.  You can tell them that Dr. Stone looks at your health from a new perspective, and can tell you what is going on.  You will have a clear reason for and understanding of your symptoms by visit 2.  Get your exam and labs, and if he can’t explain to you why you have (whatever symptom), he’ll tell you and you don’t pay for that time (there is no cost for the second visit if care is not agreed upon and started)…if he can explain, he’ll then show you a precise plan to change that problem.  

How do you know what approach to take?  You really don’t.  But, now you have a few approaches to try.  You’ll know you got it right when they call you and thank you for the recommendation.   

One more thing…NEVER give advice without asking if they want it.  I go through a process with my kids that goes something like this.  “I see you are crying…what happened?  What did you do when that happened?  Would you like my help?”  

With an adult with a health problem…same steps.  Notice the pain… “You look exhausted, what’s going on?  (Inquire about action steps) Have you seen anyone about that?  What did they say?  What do you think about that?  (Inquire about results)  Is it working…is it getting better?  Are you satisfied with the explanation or result?  (If the problem is NOT being solved you can offer…) Would you like my advice?”  

Depending on your relationship with the person, you might even add, “Would you take my advice if it makes sense to you?”  Now you have permission to try all angles while asking, “Does that make sense?”  “Does that make sense?”  

I have had people tell me that they have referred over 30 people, and none had actually taken action.  They observed an unresolved problem.  They offered a potential solution.  But no action.  

They also missed one of the points I have mentioned.  Did they ask permission, inquire into the situation to see if there was a perceived problem to solve (sometimes just asking if it is working will draw attention to the fact that it is NOT!), did they consider the different needs that people have, and connect their solution to that persons needs?  Something in that list was missed.  

Having that experience…telling people what you believe is valuable and not having them take your advice… is a major emotional trigger for people…called feeling ignored.  Using these basic steps will not only increase your ability to help other people, it will also reduce your upset and frustration.

Happy referring!