Friday, June 28, 2013

This is my Boundary!



“I’ll tell you what you can do!  Take a flyin’ leap!” 

Did you ever feel like telling someone how inappropriate they were?  Maybe even beating some BUTT!?!  

I commend you for standing up for your energy!  I also want you to make sure it is serving your energy. 
 
Case in point:  Fabulous woman, who had incredible healing under our guidance.  She got her energy back, and could meet her needs.  In fact, she once said that she had never felt such energy (at age 64) ever before in her life.  I helped her discover how to meet her needs.  

Next thing you know, she is finding herself in a romantic relationship.  Very natural…after our own personal needs are met, connection and love are the next logical needs.  She was giddy in love and passion!  

This went on for months, and her health increased to levels she never assumed possible.  Until…human reality set in.  

As you tighten a bond with an individual, more of you…and more of them…is revealed.  And one night, her partner, lover and her passion, got mad.  Yes, it got ugly.  Emotions were strewn about the room.  Anger hit the ceiling, and loving communication became a battle for right and wrong.  

Now, for anyone in a lengthy relationship, you know this is not out of the ordinary.  As my partner, Sonya, and I deepen our relationship, we continually hit snags and snarls, and we have graduated from “I’m not talking to you,” (mostly me), to yelling, and even grown up discussion at times.  The fact is, we all endured pain to end up where we are, and as we deepen a relationship, we see more of the hurt, and the hurt often strikes back.  

When her partner got upset, and did the immature things that upset (emotionally charged) people do, she stood up for herself.  She held her boundary by pushing this person away.  She made a stand and said no way, I will not put up with this behavior. 

She reported to me on her next visit the details of this experience.  But instead of congratulating her on her stand for self, I wondered to her what she might be losing.  I asked her when she might find the person who never gets mad.  I suggested that she consider a different boundary.  

If you stand firm on a boundary, you have to consider if the boundary is good for you, good for others, and good for the greater good.  I immediately realized that she is pushing good away, thereby losing good in her own life.  Not a good plan.  

In her pushing her partner away for getting mad and not being reasonable, what good was served?  She may have been empowered with her stance, but she lost connection and love.  He lost love, and they both lost a relationship.  

I wondered (to her) if a boundary that included connection and love was possible.  What would it look like to meet the greater good (partnership, love, connection), and still meet the need of safety or considerate communication?  I suggested that what she really wanted was to stand up for the way someone communicated a need.  

Let’s face it…if she required a partner that never lost his cool, she will live a pretty lonely life.  We all need to teach our partners how to respond to us when upset.  Sure it can be awkward at first, but speaking from the heart is always a good start.  

“I was really frightened from your response, and I need to feel safe with you…when you get upset, would you be willing to tell me how you feel in that moment and then take a time out away from me to regain your composure?  Then we can come back together and calmly work it out.  Would you agree to do that?”  

Here is the interesting part.  She stuck to her decision for many months, and during that time she began to have symptom regression.  She was virtually symptom free, feeling great…and then some pain returned, then headaches, then fatigue…  She was slowly heading for where she started!  

 I often reminded her what I thought she really needed during her visits.  And then finally, she spoke from her heart.  She said something like I wrote above…and they awkwardly decided how to handle upsets.  I’m sure it will need some fine tuning, but it was a Win-Win agreement.  

Next visit, she was virtually symptom free once again.  

Here’s an analogy I often use…  If you were in an abusive relationship, which might be your spouse, or your relationship with sugar or even yourself (self-criticism)…and it was habitually abusive, perhaps several times a day…no amount of natural medicine could soothe the stress physiology going on inside you.  It would be one step forward and one step back, day after day.  

My experience is that most of the daily stress we endure can be overcome with natural medicine, but there are cases like this where a change in action is needed.  It wasn’t that she had to be in a relationship to be healthy…it was that she had to stand up for her winning.  Even if the sharing had turned out awfully, I believe her spirit would have healed, regardless, just from the gesture.  She had to stand up and state that what she wanted was important.  

Another case that is related…  A patient discontinued care after she asked me about antibiotics and I went on something of a tirade about the evils of them.  She felt like I responded by making her wrong for asking.  She felt upset that I didn’t respond with compassion.  

Using the Win-Win concept, did she win with her choice?  Did I win?  Did the relationship win?  

She consulted with me because she has a chronic health challenge.  I have specialized knowledge in overcoming health challenges.  I honestly don’t absolutely know I could have helped her, but she sacrificed that possibility, by pushing me away.  I certainly didn’t achieve my desire, of helping….and we didn’t create a successful team.  Lose-Lose-Lose.   

Could she have created a win-win boundary?  Of course…it might look like this.  

“When you responded so negatively to my question, I felt belittled and then upset that you got on your soap box and talked down to me…that is not ok with me.  When I ask you a question, I need you to hear me fully and respond calmly and considerately…would you be willing to treat me this way when we communicate.”  

Dang…I would have apologized…I would have had incredible respect for her standing up for her boundary…and I would have been on my best behavior during her visits!  I would have never forgotten that confrontation, which was kind, gentle, and yet solid.  And she would have won on all levels. 

Consider what you are giving up in holding boundaries…or giving in to, by allowing boundary crossing without confronting (the kind, gentle, firm approach).  

The concepts here are my interpretation of a book called “NonViolent Communication.” (Which I consider to be one of the best quality natural medicines!)

Friday, June 7, 2013

Hierarchy of Function



I have a simple way of breaking down your body systems that makes healing much easier.  

There are something like 16 body systems including the skin as the integumentary system, and others with more familiar names…digestive, cardiovascular, immune, etc., systems.

Here is an even easier way of looking at it.  

Defense System:  This includes the immune system and barrier systems such as the skin, plus the detoxification systems such as lymphatics, liver, and kidneys. 

Stress System:  This primarily involves the brain, pituitary and adrenals, which is what responds to the stressful situation, but includes all stress changes as well, such as the heart pumping blood to the extremities to fight or flee.  

Thrive System:  This includes all the systems that make energy, such as the thyroid, adrenals (included here too), and pancreas.  But every cell cooperates to make energy, so it isn’t so much a structural division, but a functional division.

Reproductive System:  This includes the human reproductive system, but all of the healing, repair, and cell reproduction function as well.   

Now this complex machine we call a body is much easier to manage.  Instead of 16 structural systems, we have 4 functional systems.  Instead of 1600 named diseases, we have 4 functional problems.  Our system is invaded, stressed out, not making energy, and not healing (reproducing).  

And, there is a clear priority system…If your home is invaded, dinner can wait (thrive).  Same with a flooded basement (stress), you may put off dinner for awhile.  And if any of these are a clear need (invasion, stress, or hunger), well, makin’ babies is on the back burner for now.  

Natural medicine has clear advantages to treating this functional system.  

Take invasion for example.  In medicine, the treatments for immune challenges include antibiotics, steroids, chemo, and radiation.  Antibiotics might sound like a viable option, but pay attention…the people who take the most antibiotics get the most infections.  Again and again in most cases.  

Natural medicine has wonderful resources for helping the body eliminate everything from bacteria and yeast, virus and parasites, to toxins from the environment and within (we produce waste as well).  

Stress?  What does your traditional doctor have for stress?  Antidepressants.  Ok, maybe, but I don’t like the idea with messing with my brain function, and they don’t treat the real changes of stress…adrenaline, cortisol, etc.  

Natural medicine has amazing resources for handling high adrenaline and/or cortisol, as well as stress fatigue, often called adrenal fatigue.  

Thrive?  Medicine has one play…thyroid replacement…and if you don’t qualify by the standards a blood measurement called TSH, well then they just shrug their shoulders.  

Natural medicine has research proven thrive stimulators such as the herb Ashwagandha, which has at least one published research study showing it increases thyroid output.  And that’s just one of many resources to improve energy.  

Healing/reproduction?  Nothing medicine ever offers aids the healing process, except perhaps, their one use of natural medicine.  They use an amino acid called NAC to treat acute poisoning.  Everything else is symptom suppression.  

Everything natural medicine provides is to stimulate the healing process.  Natural medicine includes food, nutrients, and plants, and has published research documenting recovery from liver and pancreas damage, and you can trust that every cell in your body will respond to natural medicine just the same. 

My favorite products for defense systems:  Echinacea, Reishi mushroom, astragalus, usnea, elderberry, to name a few.

Stress:  Phosphatidyl serine, lemon balm, poppy, passion flower, skullcap…

Thrive: Ginseng, ashwagandha, Rhodiola, Cordyceps mushroom…

Repair/Healing: Gymnema, milk thistle, gotu cola, hawthorne, vitex…

These are just names of medications, only natural, versus pharmaceuticals such as abilify, albuterol, acyclovir, deferoxamine, etc., etc.  Odd names unless you study medicine.  

Which one would you rather learn?  How to block the symptoms of an underlying problem, or how to stimulate the natural healing process that we are all born with?