I say over and over that symptoms are messages. But messages of what? What are they trying to tell you? On one level they are telling you that your body is stressed out, and there are characteristic internal patterns we see. Stress overwhelm, not stress, causes suppression of thyroid function (energy and repair), problems with blood sugar, poor digestion, increased blood pressure, estrogen and progesterone imbalances, conversion of testosterone into estrogen in men (sorry guys)…and others. Then, when all these problems arise, you are a great host for infections…you begin to get more and more sensitive to foods, sugar, chemicals, and stress.
So, What is the message of this downward spiral?? I have observed several life patterns…win/lose patterns that I believe to be the source of stress overwhelm
Pattern 1: The first pattern is the caretaker pattern. Caretaking is not a bad thing But when overdone, it can feel like being a servant, maybe sacrifice…and that weighs heavy… you create an expectation of serving, and get taken advantage of. You have a problem saying no, and people keep asking because they know you will say yes. Feeling like you’re being taken advantage of doesn’t feel good, so you may decide you are done…that’s it…I’m not taking care of everyone. As you swing this way, the feedback you get from others is loss, sadness, hurt…so you swing back.
Pattern 2: This is the pattern began by being disappointed by those you look up to, called the everyperson pattern. The hurt of being disappointed creates a need to help others belong and thrive. You are giving what you perceived as a lack. Overdone, you lose your identity in the group. Whichever group you are with is the right group…but people see your lack of loyalty…lack of conviction. They start to feel like you can’t be counted on. That hurts…so you swing back to expressing you more valiantly…and your group is put off by this. And that hurts…so you swing back into role…a support member of the group. Again, belonging is a wonderful thing, but when you can’t be YOU in your group, you are giving away your energy.
Pattern 3: This is the wisdom seeker…the sage. Overdone, this becomes the analyzer, also known as the self help junkie. You feel like you never know enough…there is always one more thing to learn. And, as the saying goes… paralysis by analysis. This leads to a “failure to launch” life…never taking the action, or the right action toward your dreams. This hurts…so you swing over to simply doing something…but the over analyzing always feeds anxiety into your actions, so you aren’t happy with your results…and that hurts, so you pull back…think, analyze…no action…do something…not good enough…win/lose.
Pattern 4: This is the innocent…the idealistic and hopeful person. Again not a bad thing…quite good in fact, until it becomes a win/lose pattern. Overdone innocent optimism becomes a victim. You are disappointed by others, not those you look up to, but those you trust and partner with. It might be business or love, friends or family…but nobody meets your idealistic goals. You begin to watch life go by…you don’t want to be noticed…you don’t want the conflict. And that hurts…so you ask more of people…and, sure enough, they disappoint you again. Expect…don’t expect…win/lose.
Pattern 5: This is the lover…the relationship builder. Overdone…this becomes the saver…or perhaps savior…you assume what others need and want, and fall short of the true reality. You keep having the experience of not getting it right…mistakes, over and over again…you want to help others, but what you get is people feeling sorry for you for your failures…that hurts, so you swing to shirking leadership…I don’t want to have the responsibility…yet people look up to you…and you see the disappointment as you withdraw…so you lead again.
Each pattern is win lose…either way it hurts…if you win by approaching something that feels, sounds, or looks right…you get pain on the backside…literally and figuratively. The solution is discovering a win/win solution…to become who you want to be, express the values that are so important to you…without costing you energy. Once discovered, these life patterns…caretaker, everyperson, innocent, sage, and lover…can become your source of energy…your passion for life and your gift to humanity.
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