I awoke one morning, early, to that all too familiar
mouth watering and stomach cramping.
Throwing up is one of the least enjoyable activities a person can
experience, so even one time...you remember.
My initial assumption was something I ate, and…bummer…but my
body would purge and I would be fine by daylight. I went back to bed and got up a few hours
later for my day…still feeling nauseous, but initially thinking I could do my
day. I dressed and went to brush my
teeth. I didn’t even get the brush to
the back teeth and my body purged again.
Ok…need more time. Cancel the
morning and rest until lunch. I filled
up with Agrimony and Usnea…my past helpers for appendicitis (did I know?)…and a
little Cats Claw, which has helped some others through diverticulitis
pain.
I went back to sleep…past lunch…and woke groggily about an
hour before afternoon clients. I didn’t
feel well…stomach still hurt, and could barely lift my head. I texted Laura that I couldn’t do it…she was
already cancelling my 3.
Another NINE hours of sleep…and I woke to relief. The stomach cramping was gone. I carefully rolled from side to side…nope…no
pain. I was thinking about my next
move…getting up to see how I feel…eat… just move a bit?? One more roll…too many…and it felt like
something ripped in the area of my appendix.
The pain spiked, now localized to “McBurney’s Point,” the medical name
for this location. I briefly wondered
why someone would name this excruciating point of pain after themselves.
The pain was breathtaking.
I struggled to roll left, right, back…no relief! Sonya watched helplessly as her “health hero”
flopped in pain. My mind raced
considering options…including the one doctors say is the ONLY option. But, with some precarious pillow wedging, I
found a spot where I could catch my breath.
And there I stayed. I
believe I dozed a little, but any movement activated the pain. And the resting pain was nearly too much to
sleep.
I made it to morning, and the pain was down a notch. I could move a bit more, but still unable to
stand. I asked Sonya to text Laura the
update…
24 HOURS...of this: Roll…sleep…pain…roll…sleep…pain…roll… Sonya fed me my medicine. All day…all night. My only sensory stimulation, aside from brief
visits, was pain, and the pressure of the bed on my body. I listened carefully to the communication…and
noticed a trend. Over time, I was able
find more positions to fall asleep in…a tiny sign of a positive trend! I ask my patients to LISTEN to the quality
and quantity of their communication (symptoms are messages). No, not painstakingly document and analyze,
but to TRUST that they will hear what they need to hear…but hear it from the
body, not the head.
If I had listened to my head, and started telling stories…it
would all just be made up. The body
speaks the truth…and in this experience, I had never communicated so deeply
with my body…ever.
Another 24... I was able to stand and get to the bathroom. More positions…less pain. I was feeling hopeful and confident. I was beginning to evaluate the communication…feeling
a churning in one place…wondering what team and tools were being used to repair
my…whatever. I imagined little
seamstresses, sewing…and construction crews, removing debris. I added a lymphatic blend to assist with
carrying away the debris.
With my confidence, my family packed and left for Sacred’s soccer
tournament. It was good…I was the wounded
deer lying in the field waiting…trusting…that nature was perfectly
responding. This was my third day of
fasting…only medicine and water had entered my body. Into the night, my dreams started getting
vivid and seemingly more bizarre. Maybe
it was sensory deprivation…maybe it was more messages. The one that was most vivid and memorable was
a cave collapse on immigrant workers…
I was hopeful for Saturday to be the big turn around, but it
was more the day of bed sores. A new
communication began, the ache of my body from the pressure. That complicated my “laying in the field,”
causing a more restless day. And instead of the trend of decreasing pain,
it woke up a bit…but different. I
imagined the construction crew now doing a remodel (or repairing the cave
collapse?).
But it still deflated my confidence…this new trend. I could now use my phone, and started looking
up the costs of appendectomy. I wondered
if this new trend was telling me that it was time. I asked for healing…from God…Regulation…my
appendix.
I also found a couple websites that described natural
protocols for appendicitis…and not just how one person overcame
appendicitis…how a doctor was doing it in a clinical setting with
regularity. Both sites suggested that
they start with enemas, one suggesting that they use multiple enemas until the
PAIN stops. Huh? Are they suggesting a fast track to stop the
pain!? So, when a friend stopped in to
check on me, I requested an enema bag. Three
enema bags in (and out of course!)…and no pain relief! I thought of the deer in the
field…waiting…and trusting…and he WASN’T sticking anything up his butt.
After a disappointing Saturday, and my fourth day of
fasting…it was back to bed for the night…which is really weird…bedtime…when you
never left your bed. At least the enemas
had me move my body a little, so the bed sores were less intense. But more of the
same…sleep…pain…roll…meds…sleep and repeat.
Now I was starting to get visions along with the dreams…you
know…when awake. I had been sleeping
almost non-stop for 4 days, and it seemed my energy was up. Or I just couldn’t sleep anymore, because I
had slept a half months worth of sleep in 4 days! The visions were flashes of ideas…how to
share my message, walk on my hands, a handout I should create… I started typing the ideas into my
phone.
But still, mostly sleep.
And still…I slept til noon. Only this
time, I woke and felt something other than pain. A different sensation…was it…hunger? I decided it was time to end my fast…8 hours
shy of 5 days. I got up, and that felt
different. Less pain! I could almost walk upright! I sliced up half a potato and chicken, tossed
it in a pan with butter…and sat down to let it cook. I got down a couple of the potato slices that
had actually cooked (most were not) and most of the chicken. And back to bed…
My hopefulness was back with the lessened pain, although I
still wasn’t on a good track to be able to work on Monday. But maybe…this was the day.
And then…I couldn’t believe it myself. I started feeling thankful! It was like I just came home from a grueling
ropes course, designed to push you to your limit of fear and then one step
past. I have done a couple of those in
my day. But this felt even better. I started feeling a sense of achievement…but
all I did was lie there. It wasn’t an
action I took, it was the TRUST and connection…the intense communication with
Regulation…my innate wisdom…GOD. It felt
like a spiritual journey…coming to an end…successful.
My body was still weak and pathetic…my voice was weak…but
that voice inside…not the head one that makes up stories and worries…but the
heart voice…was full and proud.
Sunday was a good day for my heart…thankful…more visions,
ideas…expanding into connection…and purpose.
The energy was high in this voice…contrasted by the physical body and
voice I felt and heard. But healing was
on high!
I was up more. I had
another snack later that day. Still just
bites, but something. I managed to walk
downstairs…to step on the scale. Hmmm…15
pounds…I WAS a different person!
My family arrived home just before bedtime. (HaHa…that sounds SO funny after 5 days in
bed.) I wanted to share this inner
journey and healing with my wife, Sonya, but the energy just wasn’t there. I was still exhausted and mostly sleeping, now
from the fasting and the intensity of the past five days.
I woke Monday morning perhaps not ready, but prepared to
meet my day. We pushed a couple appointments
later into the week, leaving a lengthy lunch time to sleep, but I was able to
be focused on the patients, with some pauses for cramping. I was up for around 4 hours total, and as
soon as I was done, I went back to the bed.
I stayed there through bedtime and into the night…when…around 3AM I woke
up. I mean really woke up this
time. I tossed and turned, but no sleep
would come…now worrying about my physical energy in the morning.
When my alarm went off, I hadn’t slept for five hours. But not from energy…it was the wired and
tired exhaustion of an insomniac. We
made a request to push my morning back…but my first appointment was already on
her way. The appointment was
surreal. I walked in thinking just a
quick check in…recheck what was there, make any changes…keep it to necessity
only. The patient had different ideas…after
a quick check on symptoms…she wanted to talk more about moods. Her message, paraphrased, was that she is
cranky and “not good enough.” (Not
eating well enough).
I tried to share
the message of evaluations vs observations.
“Not good enough” is an opinion, where the observation is I had
chocolate every night. I was likely
short with her, which prompted another evaluation. You are a jerk. I pointed out that that was an evaluation,
trying to get to the detail that led to her opinion. But, my logic was lost in that moment,
resulting in her leaving with the promise to never come back. Wow…what just happened? And that was my morning.
On the plus side, the morning shift was short! I went back to bed, wondering how this played
into my journey. This time…quick
sleep. I slept straight through to 2:30
and woke with a start. Oh, crap, my
first appointment was at 2:15!! Luckily,
I live close to work! I moved quickly
and felt the best I had so far. I even
had some energy! The pain had lessened
to low intensity, with random high intensity cramping pain…but slowly
decreasing in frequency. And that has
been the TREND, the rest of the week.
The flashes of pain are decreased to rarely. But a kid on the tummy is still not
advisable. They have been sweet and
gentle with me, and if I cringe, I get hugs and kisses. It is clear and nearly finished…I am on the
mend, appendix and all. Plus, I have
been witness to a larger scale trend, in that when I have gone through a tough
health challenge like this, my health has been stronger and more resilient on
the other side. While still tired and
tender and painful at times, I look forward to full healing and a new level of
health!
A couple BIG LESSONS from this journey:
TRENDING: If not for
my practice of pulling the trends from my patients, and listening to my own…I
don’t know if I could have endured the pain.
I was able to notice small increments using multiple variables…how long
I could sleep…lie in one position…how many positions I could lie in…and of
course the intensity and frequency of pain.
Without the certainty of a positive trend, I may have thrown in the
towel on one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
MOVING INTO THE MESSAGE:
We may be missing the most amazing, beautiful, growth enhancing
experiences of life by running away from symptoms. This was the first time that I was so
completely in communion with Regulation and its messages. It was just me and pain… loud… softer…
grinding… pulling… twisting… cramping.
The trust I felt within all that…it was my deepest knowing of
Regulation, and it was transformational.
Not only do I eagerly anticipate my health changes, I am excited for
what I might become, and do…as my energy and health return. I don’t feel the same…it is a humbled,
vulnerable, and cautious feeling…of amplified passion and purpose for my
life.
The appendix is considered of no use in our modern
culture. Ironically, my art is
considered of no value to most of our modern culture. And I have a chip on my shoulder about
that. My appendix does NOT…perhaps there
is a lesson from appendix to me. The
appendix just keeps plugging away, performing its job (art?), which is
believed, by the few who do not buy its uselessness, to be a critical component
in the vitality of our microbiome (the cultures and populations of
microorganisms that that literally partner with us to contribute up to 80% of
our immune defense).
Taking that one step farther…in our human culture, we have
epidemic proportions of our population feeling completely disconnected from
their innate value, perhaps feeling useless like an appendix, with no system of
expressing or even discovering their innate value. Our culture focuses more on learning the
right answers to a bunch of standardized questions than nurturing our unique
gifts and talents.
Yup, we have a culture of appendixes. Somehow…a vision is brewing to protect our
physical appendixes, and our human appendixes…humans of no use (or not
discovering their innate value) that society could just as well live without. Nobody should feel useless…and everybody
should feel significant, which is just a heart expression away.
Think about it…read the comments of any article on the
internet, and you will see a culture of useless people screaming for
significance…and their only resource to BE-coming significant, from their
cultural education, is to make someone else wrong…even better…make them
“STUPID!” “There…now I am important.”
Nah…significance only comes from improving someone else’s
life…which only comes from discovering your innate value…which only comes from
nurturing your unique desires, abilities and talents…your true heart
desire.
This is not vastly different from what I wanted 2 weeks ago,
before all this. But something is
different…I am different. My first
inspired article in the aftermath was a bit bolder than the past. It had to do with the lady that walked out,
and shared that I am more willing than ever to be unpopular, if it means my
purpose is fulfilled. The funny reality
of that visit was that I was calling her on her own self criticism…because my
purpose is for YOU to be the best YOU possible…all of US! If Laura had come in and insulted her, I bet
she would have thanked me for correcting the critical opinion.
I was surprised by the article. As if someone else were writing it…because…I…I
was feeling vulnerable and humbled. So,
perhaps another part of “I” is coming out, to further this vision, thanks to
the bravery and selflessness of my appendix…and my painful act of trust and
value for that little guy! We’ll see…
