Appendicitis

I awoke one morning, early, to that all too familiar mouth watering and stomach cramping.  Throwing up is one of the least enjoyable activities a person can experience, so even one time...you remember.

 

My initial assumption was something I ate, and…bummer…but my body would purge and I would be fine by daylight.  I went back to bed and got up a few hours later for my day…still feeling nauseous, but initially thinking I could do my day.  I dressed and went to brush my teeth.  I didn’t even get the brush to the back teeth and my body purged again.  Ok…need more time.  Cancel the morning and rest until lunch.  I filled up with Agrimony and Usnea…my past helpers for appendicitis (did I know?)…and a little Cats Claw, which has helped some others through diverticulitis pain. 

I went back to sleep…past lunch…and woke groggily about an hour before afternoon clients.  I didn’t feel well…stomach still hurt, and could barely lift my head.  I texted Laura that I couldn’t do it…she was already cancelling my 3.  

Another NINE hours of sleep…and I woke to relief.  The stomach cramping was gone.  I carefully rolled from side to side…nope…no pain.  I was thinking about my next move…getting up to see how I feel…eat… just move a bit??  One more roll…too many…and it felt like something ripped in the area of my appendix.  The pain spiked, now localized to “McBurney’s Point,” the medical name for this location.  I briefly wondered why someone would name this excruciating point of pain after themselves.  

The pain was breathtaking.  I struggled to roll left, right, back…no relief!  Sonya watched helplessly as her “health hero” flopped in pain.  My mind raced considering options…including the one doctors say is the ONLY option.  But, with some precarious pillow wedging, I found a spot where I could catch my breath.

And there I stayed.  I believe I dozed a little, but any movement activated the pain.  And the resting pain was nearly too much to sleep. 

I made it to morning, and the pain was down a notch.  I could move a bit more, but still unable to stand.  I asked Sonya to text Laura the update…

24 HOURS...of this:  Roll…sleep…pain…roll…sleep…pain…roll…  Sonya fed me my medicine.  All day…all night.  My only sensory stimulation, aside from brief visits, was pain, and the pressure of the bed on my body.  I listened carefully to the communication…and noticed a trend.  Over time, I was able find more positions to fall asleep in…a tiny sign of a positive trend!  I ask my patients to LISTEN to the quality and quantity of their communication (symptoms are messages).  No, not painstakingly document and analyze, but to TRUST that they will hear what they need to hear…but hear it from the body, not the head. 

If I had listened to my head, and started telling stories…it would all just be made up.  The body speaks the truth…and in this experience, I had never communicated so deeply with my body…ever.  

Another 24... I was able to stand and get to the bathroom.  More positions…less pain.  I was feeling hopeful and confident.  I was beginning to evaluate the communication…feeling a churning in one place…wondering what team and tools were being used to repair my…whatever.  I imagined little seamstresses, sewing…and construction crews, removing debris.  I added a lymphatic blend to assist with carrying away the debris.

With my confidence, my family packed and left for Sacred’s soccer tournament.  It was good…I was the wounded deer lying in the field waiting…trusting…that nature was perfectly responding.  This was my third day of fasting…only medicine and water had entered my body.  Into the night, my dreams started getting vivid and seemingly more bizarre.  Maybe it was sensory deprivation…maybe it was more messages.  The one that was most vivid and memorable was a cave collapse on immigrant workers…

I was hopeful for Saturday to be the big turn around, but it was more the day of bed sores.   A new communication began, the ache of my body from the pressure.  That complicated my “laying in the field,” causing a more restless day.   And instead of the trend of decreasing pain, it woke up a bit…but different.  I imagined the construction crew now doing a remodel (or repairing the cave collapse?).  

But it still deflated my confidence…this new trend.  I could now use my phone, and started looking up the costs of appendectomy.  I wondered if this new trend was telling me that it was time.  I asked for healing…from God…Regulation…my appendix.

I also found a couple websites that described natural protocols for appendicitis…and not just how one person overcame appendicitis…how a doctor was doing it in a clinical setting with regularity.  Both sites suggested that they start with enemas, one suggesting that they use multiple enemas until the PAIN stops.  Huh?  Are they suggesting a fast track to stop the pain!?  So, when a friend stopped in to check on me, I requested an enema bag.  Three enema bags in (and out of course!)…and no pain relief!  I thought of the deer in the field…waiting…and trusting…and he WASN’T sticking anything up his butt. 

After a disappointing Saturday, and my fourth day of fasting…it was back to bed for the night…which is really weird…bedtime…when you never left your bed.  At least the enemas had me move my body a little, so the bed sores were less intense.  But more of the same…sleep…pain…roll…meds…sleep and repeat. 

 

Now I was starting to get visions along with the dreams…you know…when awake.  I had been sleeping almost non-stop for 4 days, and it seemed my energy was up.  Or I just couldn’t sleep anymore, because I had slept a half months worth of sleep in 4 days!  The visions were flashes of ideas…how to share my message, walk on my hands, a handout I should create…  I started typing the ideas into my phone. 

But still, mostly sleep.  And still…I slept til noon.  Only this time, I woke and felt something other than pain.  A different sensation…was it…hunger?  I decided it was time to end my fast…8 hours shy of 5 days.  I got up, and that felt different.  Less pain!  I could almost walk upright!  I sliced up half a potato and chicken, tossed it in a pan with butter…and sat down to let it cook.  I got down a couple of the potato slices that had actually cooked (most were not) and most of the chicken.  And back to bed…

My hopefulness was back with the lessened pain, although I still wasn’t on a good track to be able to work on Monday.  But maybe…this was the day.  

And then…I couldn’t believe it myself.  I started feeling thankful!  It was like I just came home from a grueling ropes course, designed to push you to your limit of fear and then one step past.  I have done a couple of those in my day.  But this felt even better.  I started feeling a sense of achievement…but all I did was lie there.  It wasn’t an action I took, it was the TRUST and connection…the intense communication with Regulation…my innate wisdom…GOD.  It felt like a spiritual journey…coming to an end…successful. 

 

My body was still weak and pathetic…my voice was weak…but that voice inside…not the head one that makes up stories and worries…but the heart voice…was full and proud.  

Sunday was a good day for my heart…thankful…more visions, ideas…expanding into connection…and purpose.  The energy was high in this voice…contrasted by the physical body and voice I felt and heard.  But healing was on high! 

I was up more.  I had another snack later that day.  Still just bites, but something.  I managed to walk downstairs…to step on the scale.  Hmmm…15 pounds…I WAS a different person! 

My family arrived home just before bedtime.  (HaHa…that sounds SO funny after 5 days in bed.)  I wanted to share this inner journey and healing with my wife, Sonya, but the energy just wasn’t there.  I was still exhausted and mostly sleeping, now from the fasting and the intensity of the past five days. 

I woke Monday morning perhaps not ready, but prepared to meet my day.  We pushed a couple appointments later into the week, leaving a lengthy lunch time to sleep, but I was able to be focused on the patients, with some pauses for cramping.  I was up for around 4 hours total, and as soon as I was done, I went back to the bed.  I stayed there through bedtime and into the night…when…around 3AM I woke up.  I mean really woke up this time.  I tossed and turned, but no sleep would come…now worrying about my physical energy in the morning.  

When my alarm went off, I hadn’t slept for five hours.  But not from energy…it was the wired and tired exhaustion of an insomniac.  We made a request to push my morning back…but my first appointment was already on her way.  The appointment was surreal.  I walked in thinking just a quick check in…recheck what was there, make any changes…keep it to necessity only.  The patient had different ideas…after a quick check on symptoms…she wanted to talk more about moods.  Her message, paraphrased, was that she is cranky and “not good enough.”  (Not eating well enough).  

 I tried to share the message of evaluations vs observations.  “Not good enough” is an opinion, where the observation is I had chocolate every night.  I was likely short with her, which prompted another evaluation.  You are a jerk.  I pointed out that that was an evaluation, trying to get to the detail that led to her opinion.  But, my logic was lost in that moment, resulting in her leaving with the promise to never come back.  Wow…what just happened?  And that was my morning.  

On the plus side, the morning shift was short!  I went back to bed, wondering how this played into my journey.  This time…quick sleep.  I slept straight through to 2:30 and woke with a start.  Oh, crap, my first appointment was at 2:15!!  Luckily, I live close to work!  I moved quickly and felt the best I had so far.  I even had some energy!  The pain had lessened to low intensity, with random high intensity cramping pain…but slowly decreasing in frequency.  And that has been the TREND, the rest of the week. 

 

The flashes of pain are decreased to rarely.  But a kid on the tummy is still not advisable.  They have been sweet and gentle with me, and if I cringe, I get hugs and kisses.  It is clear and nearly finished…I am on the mend, appendix and all.  Plus, I have been witness to a larger scale trend, in that when I have gone through a tough health challenge like this, my health has been stronger and more resilient on the other side.  While still tired and tender and painful at times, I look forward to full healing and a new level of health! 

    

A couple BIG LESSONS from this journey:

TRENDING:  If not for my practice of pulling the trends from my patients, and listening to my own…I don’t know if I could have endured the pain.  I was able to notice small increments using multiple variables…how long I could sleep…lie in one position…how many positions I could lie in…and of course the intensity and frequency of pain.  Without the certainty of a positive trend, I may have thrown in the towel on one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  

MOVING INTO THE MESSAGE:  We may be missing the most amazing, beautiful, growth enhancing experiences of life by running away from symptoms.  This was the first time that I was so completely in communion with Regulation and its messages.  It was just me and pain… loud… softer… grinding… pulling… twisting… cramping.  The trust I felt within all that…it was my deepest knowing of Regulation, and it was transformational.  Not only do I eagerly anticipate my health changes, I am excited for what I might become, and do…as my energy and health return.  I don’t feel the same…it is a humbled, vulnerable, and cautious feeling…of amplified passion and purpose for my life. 

The appendix is considered of no use in our modern culture.  Ironically, my art is considered of no value to most of our modern culture.  And I have a chip on my shoulder about that.  My appendix does NOT…perhaps there is a lesson from appendix to me.  The appendix just keeps plugging away, performing its job (art?), which is believed, by the few who do not buy its uselessness, to be a critical component in the vitality of our microbiome (the cultures and populations of microorganisms that that literally partner with us to contribute up to 80% of our immune defense). 

Taking that one step farther…in our human culture, we have epidemic proportions of our population feeling completely disconnected from their innate value, perhaps feeling useless like an appendix, with no system of expressing or even discovering their innate value.  Our culture focuses more on learning the right answers to a bunch of standardized questions than nurturing our unique gifts and talents.

Yup, we have a culture of appendixes.  Somehow…a vision is brewing to protect our physical appendixes, and our human appendixes…humans of no use (or not discovering their innate value) that society could just as well live without.  Nobody should feel useless…and everybody should feel significant, which is just a heart expression away.  

Think about it…read the comments of any article on the internet, and you will see a culture of useless people screaming for significance…and their only resource to BE-coming significant, from their cultural education, is to make someone else wrong…even better…make them “STUPID!”  “There…now I am important.”

 

Nah…significance only comes from improving someone else’s life…which only comes from discovering your innate value…which only comes from nurturing your unique desires, abilities and talents…your true heart desire. 

    

This is not vastly different from what I wanted 2 weeks ago, before all this.  But something is different…I am different.  My first inspired article in the aftermath was a bit bolder than the past.  It had to do with the lady that walked out, and shared that I am more willing than ever to be unpopular, if it means my purpose is fulfilled.  The funny reality of that visit was that I was calling her on her own self criticism…because my purpose is for YOU to be the best YOU possible…all of US!  If Laura had come in and insulted her, I bet she would have thanked me for correcting the critical opinion. 

I was surprised by the article.  As if someone else were writing it…because…I…I was feeling vulnerable and humbled.  So, perhaps another part of “I” is coming out, to further this vision, thanks to the bravery and selflessness of my appendix…and my painful act of trust and value for that little guy!  We’ll see…