This is my Boundary!

“I’ll tell you what you can do!  Take a flyin’ leap!” 

Did you ever feel like telling someone how inappropriate they were?  Maybe even beating some BUTT!?!  

I commend you for standing up for your energy!  I also want you to make sure it is serving your energy. 

 

Case in point:  Fabulous woman, who had incredible healing under our guidance.  She got her energy back, and could meet her needs.  In fact, she once said that she had never felt such energy (at age 64) ever before in her life.  I helped her discover how to meet her needs.  

Next thing you know, she is finding herself in a romantic relationship.  Very natural…after our own personal needs are met, connection and love are the next logical needs.  She was giddy in love and passion!  

This went on for months, and her health increased to levels she never assumed possible.  Until…human reality set in.  

As you tighten a bond with an individual, more of you…and more of them…is revealed.  And one night, her partner, lover and her passion, got mad.  Yes, it got ugly.  Emotions were strewn about the room.  Anger hit the ceiling, and loving communication became a battle for right and wrong.  

Now, for anyone in a lengthy relationship, you know this is not out of the ordinary.  As my partner, Sonya, and I deepen our relationship, we continually hit snags and snarls, and we have graduated from “I’m not talking to you,” (mostly me), to yelling, and even grown up discussion at times.  The fact is, we all endured pain to end up where we are, and as we deepen a relationship, we see more of the hurt, and the hurt often strikes back.  

When her partner got upset, and did the immature things that upset (emotionally charged) people do, she stood up for herself.  She held her boundary by pushing this person away.  She made a stand and said no way, I will not put up with this behavior. 

She reported to me on her next visit the details of this experience.  But instead of congratulating her on her stand for self, I wondered to her what she might be losing.  I asked her when she might find the person who never gets mad.  I suggested that she consider a different boundary.  

If you stand firm on a boundary, you have to consider if the boundary is good for you, good for others, and good for the greater good.  I immediately realized that she is pushing good away, thereby losing good in her own life.  Not a good plan.  

In her pushing her partner away for getting mad and not being reasonable, what good was served?  She may have been empowered with her stance, but she lost connection and love.  He lost love, and they both lost a relationship.  

I wondered (to her) if a boundary that included connection and love was possible.  What would it look like to meet the greater good (partnership, love, connection), and still meet the need of safety or considerate communication?  I suggested that what she really wanted was to stand up for the way someone communicated a need.  

Let’s face it…if she required a partner that never lost his cool, she will live a pretty lonely life.  We all need to teach our partners how to respond to us when upset.  Sure it can be awkward at first, but speaking from the heart is always a good start.  

“I was really frightened from your response, and I need to feel safe with you…when you get upset, would you be willing to tell me how you feel in that moment and then take a time out away from me to regain your composure?  Then we can come back together and calmly work it out.  Would you agree to do that?”  

Here is the interesting part.  She stuck to her decision for many months, and during that time she began to have symptom regression.  She was virtually symptom free, feeling great…and then some pain returned, then headaches, then fatigue…  She was slowly heading for where she started!  

 I often reminded her what I thought she really needed during her visits.  And then finally, she spoke from her heart.  She said something like I wrote above…and they awkwardly decided how to handle upsets.  I’m sure it will need some fine tuning, but it was a Win-Win agreement.  

Next visit, she was virtually symptom free once again.  

Here’s an analogy I often use…  If you were in an abusive relationship, which might be your spouse, or your relationship with sugar or even yourself (self-criticism)…and it was habitually abusive, perhaps several times a day…no amount of natural medicine could soothe the stress physiology going on inside you.  It would be one step forward and one step back, day after day.  

My experience is that most of the daily stress we endure can be overcome with natural medicine, but there are cases like this where a change in action is needed.  It wasn’t that she had to be in a relationship to be healthy…it was that she had to stand up for her winning.  Even if the sharing had turned out awfully, I believe her spirit would have healed, regardless, just from the gesture.  She had to stand up and state that what she wanted was important.  

Another case that is related…  A patient discontinued care after she asked me about antibiotics and I went on something of a tirade about the evils of them.  She felt like I responded by making her wrong for asking.  She felt upset that I didn’t respond with compassion.  

Using the Win-Win concept, did she win with her choice?  Did I win?  Did the relationship win?  

She consulted with me because she has a chronic health challenge.  I have specialized knowledge in overcoming health challenges.  I honestly don’t absolutely know I could have helped her, but she sacrificed that possibility, by pushing me away.  I certainly didn’t achieve my desire, of helping….and we didn’t create a successful team.  Lose-Lose-Lose.   

Could she have created a win-win boundary?  Of course…it might look like this.  

“When you responded so negatively to my question, I felt belittled and then upset that you got on your soap box and talked down to me…that is not ok with me.  When I ask you a question, I need you to hear me fully and respond calmly and considerately…would you be willing to treat me this way when we communicate.”  

Dang…I would have apologized…I would have had incredible respect for her standing up for her boundary…and I would have been on my best behavior during her visits!  I would have never forgotten that confrontation, which was kind, gentle, and yet solid.  And she would have won on all levels. 

Consider what you are giving up in holding boundaries…or giving in to, by allowing boundary crossing without confronting (the kind, gentle, firm approach).  

The concepts here are my interpretation of a book called “NonViolent Communication.” (Which I consider to be one of the best quality natural medicines!)

Hierarchy of Function

I have a simple way of breaking down your body systems that makes healing much easier.  

There are something like 16 body systems including the skin as the integumentary system, and others with more familiar names…digestive, cardiovascular, immune, etc., systems.

Here is an even easier way of looking at it.  

Defense System:  This includes the immune system and barrier systems such as the skin, plus the detoxification systems such as lymphatics, liver, and kidneys. 

Stress System:  This primarily involves the brain, pituitary and adrenals, which is what responds to the stressful situation, but includes all stress changes as well, such as the heart pumping blood to the extremities to fight or flee.  

Thrive System:  This includes all the systems that make energy, such as the thyroid, adrenals (included here too), and pancreas.  But every cell cooperates to make energy, so it isn’t so much a structural division, but a functional division.

Reproductive System:  This includes the human reproductive system, but all of the healing, repair, and cell reproduction function as well.   

Now this complex machine we call a body is much easier to manage.  Instead of 16 structural systems, we have 4 functional systems.  Instead of 1600 named diseases, we have 4 functional problems.  Our system is invaded, stressed out, not making energy, and not healing (reproducing).  

And, there is a clear priority system…If your home is invaded, dinner can wait (thrive).  Same with a flooded basement (stress), you may put off dinner for awhile.  And if any of these are a clear need (invasion, stress, or hunger), well, makin’ babies is on the back burner for now.  

Natural medicine has clear advantages to treating this functional system.  

Take invasion for example.  In medicine, the treatments for immune challenges include antibiotics, steroids, chemo, and radiation.  Antibiotics might sound like a viable option, but pay attention…the people who take the most antibiotics get the most infections.  Again and again in most cases.  

Natural medicine has wonderful resources for helping the body eliminate everything from bacteria and yeast, virus and parasites, to toxins from the environment and within (we produce waste as well).  

Stress?  What does your traditional doctor have for stress?  Antidepressants.  Ok, maybe, but I don’t like the idea with messing with my brain function, and they don’t treat the real changes of stress…adrenaline, cortisol, etc.  

Natural medicine has amazing resources for handling high adrenaline and/or cortisol, as well as stress fatigue, often called adrenal fatigue.  

Thrive?  Medicine has one play…thyroid replacement…and if you don’t qualify by the standards a blood measurement called TSH, well then they just shrug their shoulders.  

Natural medicine has research proven thrive stimulators such as the herb Ashwagandha, which has at least one published research study showing it increases thyroid output.  And that’s just one of many resources to improve energy.  

Healing/reproduction?  Nothing medicine ever offers aids the healing process, except perhaps, their one use of natural medicine.  They use an amino acid called NAC to treat acute poisoning.  Everything else is symptom suppression.  

Everything natural medicine provides is to stimulate the healing process.  Natural medicine includes food, nutrients, and plants, and has published research documenting recovery from liver and pancreas damage, and you can trust that every cell in your body will respond to natural medicine just the same. 

My favorite products for defense systems:  Echinacea, Reishi mushroom, astragalus, usnea, elderberry, to name a few.

Stress:  Phosphatidyl serine, lemon balm, poppy, passion flower, skullcap…

Thrive: Ginseng, ashwagandha, Rhodiola, Cordyceps mushroom…

Repair/Healing: Gymnema, milk thistle, gotu cola, hawthorne, vitex…

These are just names of medications, only natural, versus pharmaceuticals such as abilify, albuterol, acyclovir, deferoxamine, etc., etc.  Odd names unless you study medicine.  

Which one would you rather learn?  How to block the symptoms of an underlying problem, or how to stimulate the natural healing process that we are all born with? 

Weight Loss Experiment Results

The scale and body fat measures both say I am a failure.  What do you think?  (see pics below) 

The program, just to review...

All the indulgences (defined as approximately 15 grams of carbs) I want...my favorites being chips, beer, chocolate, pizza, and less often cookies.  BUT, I must pay off each serving with additional protein (to minimize insulin spikes), and one set of my "Baby Patterns" exercises. 

Six sets, for a total of six minutes of exercise per day.  Plus one additional set per indulgence serving...so if I have 2 slices of pizza, medium bag of chips, and 2 beer, I would add 7 sets, or 13 minutes total.  I sneak 2 or 3 sets in, consecutively (no rest time), throughout the day...so no gym time, waiting for equipment, or even time resting between sets.  I do 2-3...maybe 4, and go back to what I was doing. 

Protein snacks between meals and a full serving (20-25 grams) of protein with each meal.  My favorite and most common protein snack is a handful of raw almonds and dark chocolate gogi berries.  My favorite protein serving is red meat, bacon, ham, pepperoni, cheese, chicken (especially thighs), and eggs.  Plus I use Clearvite, a "detox" protein drink in my smoothie, and Dream Protein, a whey protein shake in my coffee.  With the coffee, smoothie, and breakfast, I get 30-50 grams of protein in the morning (sometimes I don't eat breakfast, I just drink it).   

Green veggies, and more green veggies.  Green smoothie using spinach in the morning.  Green soup or stir fry with meals (mostly broccoli with other veggies).  Green salads with lettuce, spinach, broccoli slaw, cabbage, etc.  And I use Greens First, a dehydrated and powdered greens drink that is all green veggies and some fruit (added to my spinach shake). 

And my secret weight loss strategy...the Indulgence Antidote.  This consists of a supplement for the liver (MetacrineDX), Gall Bladder (Bilemin or AF Betafood), NAC (an amino acid), an herbal blend for the liver (Culvers Root + Milk Thistle), an herbal blend for the adrenals (ginseng, smilax, calendula, and a few others, called Phytodren), fish oils, ginger root, and a single B vitamin based on personal genetic needs, which for me is B6, and for Sonya is Folate.  (If you don't know, use a product called MethylSP). 

The important point here is that I CAN DO THIS!  I did it...first "after" picture ever (and many attempts).  Sonya can do this (her after pictures were great...not perfect, but clear, visible improvements).  And we will continue to do this...it's too easy and too effective NOT to continue. 

Both of us have battled with giving up carbs...let's not eat any wheat this month...let's not have any sugar this month...beer, chips, snacks, treats, wine...  We stopped quitting and started doing some very precise things...mostly supplements and foods...that support our energy systems (fat is an energy issue), and our health.  And we both sustained and had steady improvement. 

There are many paths up the mountain...you just have to find one that works for you...that is sustainable and produces positive results.  This is my path up the weight loss mountain.  I invite you to see if this trail works for you, if that is one of your goals. 

Results Pictures

Weight Loss Experiment 4

Does this happen to you!??  Whenever you resolve to improve your life, especially through “being better” and doing what you know you “should be” doing…you break down.  I do.  

This is about how my commitments go…as soon as I start, something tries to interrupt.  After resolving to a new plan (in the past), I have had my back go out, I have injured my shoulder, and/or  I have gotten sick…some sort of disruption that I swear is my unconscious revolting against the change. 

No big disruption this time…but there was no big commitments.  (Maybe there is something to this small commitment thing!)  

I have been distracted, though, by a smaller disruption (to match the smaller commitment, I suppose).  After breakfast a couple weeks ago, I started having some stomach cramping.  It was bad enough that I had to lie down for a while after I ate…and again after dinner.  

The possibilities include food poisoning (which is eating infected food), or other infections.  It could be gall bladder or appendix, but the symptoms didn’t match up.  It could be an inflammatory bowel disease, but I think I would have seen that coming on.  

So I started with a general anti-microbial called Golden Thread…something I test for any type of infection…parasites, yeast, bacteria…it’s one of my favorites.  A few months ago, prior to committing to anything, I had an episode of bloating…no cramping…but my belly was huge.  (I actually took pictures it was so big…see below).  It took several days, but was totally resolved (see the after picture).  

This time it didn’t work quite as well.  As I have mentioned, life is an experiment, and so is treating health problems.  For our patients, I have a system of evaluation that is designed to maximize probability of success, but there is no such thing as a sure thing.  And this wasn’t my sure thing.  

Now, two weeks later, I have added a Goldenseal and Barberry mix, then Curcumin (Turmeric), then Rosemary, and then started having multiple green drinks, with spinach and kale (chlorophyll is really healing for the intestinal lining), and then some cabbage soup (cabbage is great for healing the stomach).  

So far the disruption is improved some, but still clearly there.  I am bloated… and I am scheduled to take an after picture in a couple days!  

What I do know is that this problem can and will be handled naturally.  There’s a lab in Georgia called Metametrix, who does stool analysis (very detailed), and if an infection shows up, they culture it in the lab, and then dump various botanicals into the culture and note what kills it.  Pretty cool.  If the bloating lasts too long, or creates enough suffering,  I would do that test.  First, I’ll do a more thorough diagnostic evaluation using kinesiology.  It’s really not too bad now…just a bloated tummy threatening to ruin my after picture. 

 

As far as the weight loss experiment…the disruption wasn’t enough to throw me off my commitment, even if I had to double up on exercise one day to catch up for another.  Seriously, this may be genius to set your commitment so low, that you cannot fail!  

I may take a couple extra days to take the picture, hoping to de-bloat.  The scales and little body fat measures say I am a complete failure.  I originally said I would shoot for a decrease in body fat of 5%, and I have been down almost 2%, but then back up…and down…and up.  I don’t know if that is reflecting whatever bug I am fighting off…or inflammation…or failure of the experiment!?   

Well it can’t be a failure, because I maintained all the variables…plenty of indulgence, greens, protein, and a little bit of exercise…plus my supplement regimen.  A scientist wouldn’t call an experiment a failure…it is always just learning…and in order to learn, you have to maintain variables consistently, for a long enough time to observe statistically significant results.  

If you don’t maintain variables and time, you learn nothing, or even worse…you THINK you learned something!  

In any event, I will report the final numbers and pictures in a couple days.  

Weight Loss Experiment 3

We are a third of the way through.  I have lost 1.3% or 2.5 pounds of fat, which is on pace for 4% total and 7.5 pounds of fat loss.  I have gained 1.5 pounds of non-fat tissue, which can be water weight or lean muscle mass.  I’m not bloated like after the pizza, beer, Doritos night, so I am inclined to bet it is healthy tissue. 

Not too bad so far, but short of my projected goal of 5% bodyfat…which was just a number I tossed out off the top of my head.  If muscle does increase resting metabolic rate, however, I am burning more calories at rest, so, in theory, the weight loss should accelerate.  Only time will tell.  

Lesson of the day.  If you poll 3 people and find 2 out of 3 exercise, does that mean 2/3rds of the population exercises?  No…of course not.  You actually learned nothing of statistical significance.  Why?  Because the population of the study is too small.  The point is…if you want to become resourceful and accumulate wisdom, you have to stick to your plan long enough to allow for statistical significance to kick in.  

In the first 5 days of this program, I gained fat and pounds.  I stuck with the program.  If I had quit at that point and decided that the program wasn’t working, I would have learned nothing to be more resourceful in making choices in the future.  In fact, I may have become less resourceful, because I was coming to a conclusion based on insignificant data.  

Do you try something new, and decide it isn’t working too soon?  Do you change too many variables to assess what is working or not working?  Do you have a clear method of determining if your current experiment is working or failing?  

Life is an experiment.  Notice your non-preferences.  Ours was fitness levels.  Choose a plan.  Ours was nourishing our bodies with high quality natural meds and an increase in activity.  Notice the results…and allow time for statistical significance.  So far, my results are positive.  After sufficient time, change another variable if you still don’t prefer the results.  

Here’s a motto we are working on with our kids.  “If you aren’t getting what you want, try a different approach.”  

And always be curious.