Self Worth Experiment

After completing another month long “weight loss experiment,” Sonya said to me, “Why don’t you do something a little more profound…like a ‘self worth experiment.’  Make some commitments toward increasing self worth.  Do it for 30 days and report the results of that.” 

Hmmmm…

Certainly this is more a sticking point with me than weight issues.  Maybe I should take on a something that is more of a challenge…for me.  

And with the mention, now I feel the fear.  It was easy to follow the weight loss commitments, in part because I had no fear of failing.  

And now I feel bad.  Did I minimize how incredibly difficult it is to break the patterns of weight challenges?  It certainly wasn’t my intention, but now looking at it from a perspective of my own fear, I can see how it might have looked.  My intention was to demonstrate the “curious scientist” approach to life…small changes, keep track of variables, and be curious about the results (no heavy expectations).

I can see how the fear of failure really changes the game.  But…I will take the advice of Dr. Stone, my more resourceful 9-5 identity…and apply it to Todd Stone…the rest of me, the less resourceful parts. 

I often say, “I am a good example of health, from the ears down.”  This is clearly a challenge from the ears up.  

Ok, so what the heck do I commit to…?  As resourceful as I feel with health, I feel nearly as UN-resourceful with improving my “head space. “  I’ll take my wife’s advice on this one…do consistently what I already know to do.

I know Neuro-Emotional Therapy (NET).  It’s a little like the more famous technique called EFT.   Tapping  acupressure points on emotional “blocks.”  We use muscle testing to identify the original “neurologic imprint,” which is the painful experience that initiated the unresourceful strategies to avoid further pain.  For example, if your father was abusive, you might use the strategy called “pleaser” where you try to predict what will make him happy to avoid further pain. (and of course, trying to make people happy will destroy your health!).  

I know neurology…how the brain works.  The brain is the gray and white matter, the physical structure that makes up the thinking parts, feeling parts, moving parts, and health regulating parts of the nervous system.  The mind I consider just the thinking parts (the scary parts!).  And what I know about this structure is that repetition builds stronger connections.  Whatever you repeatedly do, you get good at…including struggle, feeling bad, and fear.   

I know the philosophy of health and life from eastern medicine called “The Five Elements.”  This philosophy gives a simple structure to life, health, and nature.  It reveals how all parts of your body, your life, and all of nature flows together.  It explains how a bacteria in your small intestine can cause depression, or thyroid and weight issues.  It explains how an absent father can result in validation issues (OK-ness), which can cause self worth issues and struggles with finances.  And it reveals what energy is needed to resolve them.  

I also know to keep it simple and short or it will never stick.  So what I will commit to is about 6 minutes a day (do I see a theme here…same as my exercise commitment?).  I will do tapping on stressful memories and turn around the stress/pressure to reveal the value (ie. an abusive father makes you a very considerate person in most instances).  

I will focus my attention on two things…what I want in life, and the gratitude I have for what I already have.  You might say, “Duh,” but when you are emotionally blocked to what you want, it requires some exertion to put attention and focus on the positives, because some areas of life are proving that you aren’t enough, and it is SOOOO aggravating that it commands your attention and focus.  

That’s it…but it is different.  My previous pattern of trying to decrease struggle and increase  self value was doing more.  And, at age 43, I guess I have to admit that that ain’t working.  Now, like the curious scientist, I will focus only on my own self worth blocks…and, of course see what happens.  

How will I measure my self worth?  Well, capitalism has invented one way…income, sales, and financial worth.  How many clients do I have, book sales do I make, etc.  It’s as measurable as weight.  

I know that money is not self worth, but it is one measure.  When we take an energetic view, money exchange is a value exchange.  It once was that the person who made incredible chairs traded his value and skill for chickens.  Capitalism has created a system of exchange that allows the chicken farmer to obtain my value and skill even if I don’t need chickens.  

I know that self worth is an inside job.  I have patients that “Thank GOD” for my skills and expertise.  But still, despite the evidence to the contrary, the results I see show a lack of self worth…the struggle is always there.  

So, I will not do more…I will do 6 minutes of energetic work…tapping points, rubbing points, focusing my mind both on the stress and then the value of the stress.  (diamonds are formed from incredible pressure as I understand).   And then I will focus my mind on desire…gratitude…appreciation.  For 6 minutes a day.  And I will notice the results.  

If I am still struggling…if I fail... I will change the variables and try again.