Would you like to be more successful with new year's
resolutions? Have you given up on
resolutions because they never stick, and only lead to disappointment?
There is a sure fire way to make change stick, whether a
resolution or just a good intention.
Would you like to hear?
All change happens when your brain “circuits” fully
connect…or close the circuit. You know
the concept. In order to light a light,
the circuit must close to fully connect from electricity to light bulb. If the
city shuts off your power or your light bulb is burned out, you stay in
darkness…connect all the circuits, and your experience changes to light.
The first circuit is the Frontal Cortex (FC): this part of your brain is known as the
executive or planning center. It decides
what you want. The key here is to dig
down at what you really want. You don’t
want to exercise, you want a fit body.
And you really don’t care that much about a fit body, because what you
really want is the confidence that you think it will give you. And really, you’d rather feel less confident
and have what you really want…a caring partner who loves the heck out of you
(for example).
Second = Amygdala (AMG):
This part of your brain is the motive or motivation. Why do you want it? You really want a caring partner for
connection and significance. (which you
could have without a date for that matter)
The big problem here is called a value conflict. You want connection, which you might think is
a partner, so you resolve to exercise (to feel more confident), but you hate
going to the gym. Conflict.
Third = Basal Ganglia (BG):
This is the “action” part of the brain.
It sets the structure for achieving your goal. “I will go to the gym for 45 minutes 5 days a week.” Only your goal isn’t being in the gym, it is
connection…so perhaps your structure or action plan could be revised.
Fourth = Cingulate Gyrus (CG): This is your feedback part of your
brain. It notices if your structure is
working, and adjusts accordingly. (Do
more of what is working, and less of what is not). Since our culture emphasizes sacrifice,
discipline, and “Just do it,” (also read, you’re a lazy no good waste of air if
you don’t force yourself to do what you are supposed to do), we lack this
internal feedback…as a culture. The
reality is that we will never do anything that isn’t fun (and if you “will” or force
yourself to do it, your health will suffer), and doesn’t achieve our results
quickly (or at least noticeable movement toward our goal). So if this is the same plan you tried last
year, or you are getting the same results, think of something more enjoyable to
move toward the goal you want. In this
case, maybe a co-ed racquetball club.
Fifth = Temporal Lobes (TL):
This is the relational part of your brain. Any coincidence that it also hears…AKA
listening. If the CG is your internal
ears (listening to you), this represents your external ears (listening to
others). And not the others who complain
about the same problem you have. Listening,
and tapping into the specialized knowledge of those people who have already solved
your problem. Since you haven’t solved
this problem previously, don’t make a plan based on what you already know. Read a book, ask for help, or hire a person
with specialized knowledge. Just make sure
that he or she has what you REALLY WANT (hint…it’s not time in the gym, or a
firm body)
According to human performance “experts,” you always only
ever want certainty (with a bit of variety), connection, contribution,
significance, and growth. While I don’t
believe anything I read without careful consideration, I do consider this
helpful, because those things move you toward health and happiness. And anything that does that (according to my
internal ears), is something you can bank on for the betterment of your
life.
How do you know what you want in life? Here’s a fun way to tell…evaluate your
“addictions.” I believe we are all
addicts and more or less controlled by those addictions. So let’s define our addictions as anything
that we lack control over.
(The chemicals I name, serotonin, dopamine, GABA,
Adrenaline, and acetylcholine are chemicals known as neurotransmitters that
produce a feeling or sensation by activating certain circuits in your
brain. They are the targets of antidepressant
and antipsychotic medications, and every social drug, legal or not.)
If you are addicted to sugar or bread, other carbs, or food
in general, you desire serotonin…or at least the feel that serotonin gives to
you. Do you wonder how serotonin is
released naturally? Wouldn’t that be a
better resolution…to do the things that increase serotonin in your life, rather
than trying to will or force yourself to
stop eating the one thing that makes your brain feel good? Replace sugar slowly with a habit of
gathering resources. A resource is a
source of support or aid, a personal capability, an action or measure to which you
have recourse.
Gathering resources solves problems. Do you know what your problems are? The ones that have your attention are often
distractions. The ones that are under
the radar are the stress inducing, serotonin zapping problems that leave you
reaching for a bon bon. Examine your
life for experiences you do not prefer.
Maybe you can put up with them, but if you notice them and refuse to put
up with them, and you seek the resource to solve those problems, you get a
little party of serotonin in your brain.
Resolve to search for non-preferences, gather resources, and
solve those problems…if you are addicted to sugar. You might need help to resolve them or to
find the resource…if you had the resource, you would not put up with the
problem. Every problem ever invented has
already been solved…search the internet, books, libraries, and people for the
resources they used to solve your identical problem.
Now you are addicted to gathering resources…what a wonderful
thing.
Are you addicted to tobacco or marijuana, or procrastination? You desire acetylcholine (a less famous brain
chemical). Wouldn’t it be a better
resolution to do the things that increase acetylcholine naturally? Acetylcholine is released by noticing your
successes…gratitude.
How much time do you spend noticing the problems in your life
versus noticing the successes? I am not
against noticing the problems, in fact, it is essential to solving problems and
gathering resources, a great way to enjoy serotonin. And…check the balance. If you only notice problems, you lack
acetylcholine and are drawn to the drugs that provide it.
Resolve to tell and write what you are grateful for every
day…if you are addicted to tobacco. Report
and document your successes and appreciations daily…and maybe one day the other
form will seem less attractive.
Are you addicted to wine, beer, liquor, valium (or other “downers”),
or even self criticism? You desire
GABA. Would you like to lessen the need or desire
for alcohol (GABA) naturally? GABA is
released naturally through nurturing.
Think of a baby being held close, nursed, and cared for…that is
nurturing.
Our needs are a bit different from those days, but we all
still need nurturing. As an adult, you
are your primary caregiver, and if you have a partner, great, you have
help. Nurturing activities that have
been shown to increase GABA are yoga and meditation. I would guess that anything that slows you
down and cares for you would suffice. A
bath with candles and aromatherapy, maybe?
Limbic bonding is another activity that releases GABA. That is a doctor term for touching, hugging,
cuddling, and sex. Rather than willing
yourself to stop the wine, how about resolving to have more limbic bonding, or
beginning a practice of yoga or meditation?
Replace the need for GABA until the alternative for GABA is no longer
needed…
Are you addicted to cocaine, meth, work, doing, your
girl/boy friend (being in love)? You
desire dopamine. Would you like to
discover a more productive way to get your little rush? Dopamine is at your disposal by “playing your
passion (or love).”
What would you love to do if you had just an hour that wasn’t
filled with obligation, necessity, and responsibility? If you’re not sure, look around. There are signs of your passion all around
you. Your “stuff” reveals your interests
and passions. Do you have a football
pillow of every team? Model
airplanes? Books (what are they
about)?
Maybe you don’t know what your passion is…do what you think
it is. And see if it sticks. You’ll know when you lose track of time
having fun. Resolve to sneak 30 minutes
per day indulging in your passion or love.
I bet that 30 minutes becomes an hour pretty quickly. And, I believe, this is more nourishing to
your heart than broccoli or blueberries.
Are you addicted to shopping, sex, coffee, gambling, edge of
your seat movies or TV, taking risks, porn?
You desire adrenaline or noradrenaline.
Would you like to enjoy some adrenaline from a more productive
source? Resolve to accomplish something
you can’t. You couldn’t do much more
than sleep and poop when you came into this world, so everything you now can do
was once on your I can’t do list.
Adrenaline is known as the fear chemical, and just a little
taste of that adrenaline is very exciting and feels oh so good. Would you be a bit frightened to stand up at
work and give your opinions? Take on a
project that feels over your head? Follow
that gut feeling to do something when you don’t have any idea where it will
go?
Stretch your skills and influence just a little bit farther,
and then farther. While you get to enjoy
the adrenaline rush of the unknown, you just might become or accomplish
something more, and help more people in bigger ways than you ever thought
possible. Start with noticing what you
can’t do, but really want to do (although it seems a little scary).
So set this year up to win.
Know what you really want, what the real motivation is, and create a new
plan, constructed by specialized knowledge (in this case, a very unique
knowledge of brain chemistry and addictions)…and always…always…notice if it is
working for you. Isn’t that a better
plan than willing yourself to do something you really don’t want to do?
Yours in Health,
Dr.Stone
