This classic parenting comment is called invalidation. “Your sadness or upset is not appropriate,”
it says to the little one. Meanwhile,
the child feels certain their upset is very real, and very important!
What does this have to do with you and your health? I see it every day. Grown adults being told their symptoms are
not real...that there is “nothing wrong.”
Your doctor is “Dad.”
You are the child…Dad reports that your upsets (symptoms) are not
valid. “Look at this test… I can prove
your symptoms are not real. You are
supposed to be feeling just fine.”
It has the same authoritarian feel too! Does it feel like two adults talking about
solving a problem? No! There is one “superior being” invalidating
another person’s experience. Meanwhile,
you are certain your symptoms are very real, and very important!
Here’s the good news…you are an adult. You can choose a different “Dad.” Maybe you choose someone who is not a dad at
all, but an equal human who will get involved in solving a problem with you and
for you.
Not to make light of the pain of your experience, but I find
it hilarious that people come to me after “experts” find nothing wrong with
them…and I easily find sooo many things wrong with them. So many things that are easily measured and
evaluated. But not measured if you are
evaluating “by the book.” (What insurance
protocols allow)
Maybe ridiculous is a better word than hilarious!
How about an actual example…I had a patient recently
suffering with IBS symptoms, chronic headaches, and severe fatigue. Full medical work up (15 years worth!)
revealed nothing wrong. Let’s look at
the list of measurable and verifiable “wrongs” we came up with…
Thyroid problems…they never checked because she was an “IBS”
patient and not a thyroid patient. And
it was the basic thyroid problem that they would have picked up on, but GI
specialists don’t check for endocrine problems.
It would take another 3 month wait to another specialist to check that
box on a lab test.
Intestinal parasites.
Yes, the GI specialist missed checking for intestinal parasites in a GI
patient. Hmmm?
Very low cortisol production from the adrenal glands. Cortisol is one of the stress hormones, but
it functions in healthy people to balance blood sugar (chronic fatigue and
headaches??), and has a powerful effect on regulating Intestinal motility (yes,
that’s moving the bowels).
High adrenaline.
Think about the adrenaline rush of a close call or “almost”
accident. If you had to go to the
bathroom prior to the close call, it either goes away altogether (constipation)
or you soil yourself right there in the car (urgency). That is IBS by definition!!
Those were the biggies.
And there were several more imbalances we noted. I got a kick out of her reaction to the
parasites…she was relieved, almost excited, almost happy!! Was she thrilled to have a parasite? No…she was thrilled to finally, after 15
years (next stop was the psychiatrist…seriously), BE VALIDATED! It was real…it was important. She could PROVE it!
If you have a symptom…and I mean ONE little symptom…that is
your body trying to tell you something…something important! DO NOT let anybody tell you it is
nonsense. If someone tells you there is
nothing wrong, and you CLEARLY feel something wrong…there IS something wrong,
and you need someone who will listen to that message(symptom)…listen to you…be
willing to dig deeper and ask MORE questions and test MORE systems and organs!
IF you ever want to feel validated! And…if you ever want to put this health
problem behind you!
This sounds very reminiscent of my own experience as well as that of my sister. After years of hitting brick walls in main stream medicine you begin to question the validity of your symptoms and wonder if you might just be a hypochondriac. The key to good health is finding the right health care professional which practices symptom based medicine and actually HEARS what your symptoms are telling. Sounds relatively simple but not as easily obtained.
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