The Emotional Needs Survey

A while back, I asked for responses to:  What are your emotional needs?

It was very interesting to hear back from so many people.  I have the results listed below (I put similar answers in the same category):

1T. To be needed, appreciated, valued  16%
1T. To be loved, cared for, desired:  16%
3. To be heard, respected:  11% 
4T. To feel safe, secure  9%
4T. Bonding, touching, affection  9%
6. To give love  7%
7. Acceptance  7%
8. To be understood  4%
9. To feel connected to people  4%
10. Honesty, Trust, open communication  4%

And then with one vote each:  Process loss, grief….peace and solitude….Support, encouragement…. Passion…and, there are no emotional needs, only wants.  

I’d say this is a pretty good list, although I will put in my vote and suggest Growth, which I might describe as an improving ability to be authentic in the good times and bad.  My opinion is that passion was under-represented…but it is difficult to feel and give passion if you don’t feel appreciated, understood, safe, cared for, etc.  

The Five Element Chinese philosophy would say our needs are:

1.       Structure and Security

2.       Acceptance and Inclusion

3.       Nurturing and Support

4.       Validation and Value

5.       Reassurance and Responsiveness

Structure is what we teach our kids.  Boundaries.  Adults have boundaries too!  When you find yourself stepping on your boundaries, (or someone else is), it is stressful and exhausting.  People lacking structure tend to have issues with thyroid and reproductive hormones…and without solid structure, find themselves being frustrated with their progress.  Good boundaries and structure are a must for good health.

Acceptance is feeling part of a whole.  Children who are left or abandoned have trouble with allergies and body pain, and giving and receiving love.  To feel included in something bigger than yourself is a human need.  (And this is where passion is birthed…as you feel wanted, needed, and desired…you feel safe to share your passions, which are, of course, not all sexual)

Nurturing is momma energy.  Children whose mother was less than nurturing tend to have problems with energy (our internal harvest) and issues with giving and receiving support, either through not asking or pushing people away.  Support is a must for good health.  

Validation is being ok.  This is a Dad energy, and people who had an absent father often struggle with self criticism, and autoimmune problems (talk about picking on yourself.  Being ok with who you are and really experiencing your value are basic human needs.  

Reassurance leads to knowing you can “do it.”  The child whose fears are invalidated rather than reassured tends to have blood sugar problems and problems taking action when things are tough.  Being able to respond to our lives is a growth process, and a must for good health.  

Surely there is no way to know with such clarity and certainty as our need for oxygen, water, and food.  But, we might get clues…when you feel nourished emotionally…energized…you are probably hitting on a need.  And, as the one person suggested, we can certainly get confused with wants…I might want a giant bowl of ice cream…and it is food…but do I feel energized and nourished after??   

These are also all considerations when I take on a client to create good health.  I validate their problems…I nurture them/care for them (thanks to my dad being absent I have a strong feminine energy…oops did I say that aloud!?).  I give them structure, and make sure they can do it (reassurance), and try to let them know that I am also just a bumbling person (with a useful gift), trying to make my way in life…using the wisdom of the five elements.  And we laugh at how silly we both are…it’s kinda fun! 

PS.  More votes and comments below!!