I wouldn’t hire a person who passed a drug test!

Clearly, my hiring criteria is not “using drugs.”  In fact, I would never test a potential employee for drug use or abstaining.  I base my hiring on organization, responsibility, flexibility, compassion, and other values. 

 

The question I pose is, “Can you use drugs or alcohol and maintain these values?”  And, “Can you abstain from drugs and alcohol, and lack these values.”

“But, drugs ruined my sister’s life!”  No…not feeling “OK” or acceptable ruined your sister’s life.  Not the drugs.  She was “out of control” with her drug use because she didn’t feel acceptable/ok at her core. 

And guess what…testing her for drugs made her feel even less OK.  

Gaining control of one’s life requires validation.  “You are OK just as you are.”  If someone feels validated or “OK,” they will make choices in life from their higher values.  They will regain control.  

They may need to add resources such as how do I deal with feeling low…angry…sad.  Children lose control when they feel these emotions.  If they are never taught how to deal with them resourcefully, they continue to lose control as adults.  

Here are some methods we use (when we remember):

You started the couch on fire (name the problem)…you must have wanted my attention (guess the need, also validating…assuming positive intent but lacking resources)…you may not set the couch on fire (set the boundary)…if you want my attention, you can say, “momma, I really need you to see me or hear me.”  Try it now…you can do it… (teach a resource)

Mantras: 

“If you are not getting what you want…try a different approach.” 
“If the person in front of you is upset, ask what they want.”
“If you are upset with the person in front of you, tell them what you want.”

Remind…remind…remind…remind…and then… “would you like my help/advice?”  

Alcohol and drug use, when out of control, are evidence of lacking resources to process painful feelings and emotions.  Don’t make them wrong…it is their best resource to date.  Almost everyone has used drugs to escape, whether recreational or prescription.  (No difference in my opinion, except that most recreational drugs are natural, and therefore have fewer side effects!)  

What resources have you discovered to gain control in your life?  Tell them about your out of control, so they feel normal, ok, and acceptable.  Then share those resources.  

Hopefully, you see my comment is a stimulus (intended) for critical thinking.  “Is that true?”  “What is the root cause.”  My opinion is a lack of validation…a lack of OK-ness.