I have seen an outbreak of this in my practice, and many
people are infected worldwide. It is
life threatening (depending on your definition of life), and it is
contagious. (mostly spread from parents
to children.)
Signs of the infection:
“Should-ing” on yourself.
If you notice yourself frequently feeling unworthy because you should really be getting something
done, you are probably infected.
Bipolar behavior…happy when you do what you should and
depressed when you don’t.
Tourette behavior…uncontrollable verbal outbursts, commonly
heard as “idiot!,” “what’s wrong with you!?,” and “oh, my god!” (Spoken to self)
If you have any of these symptoms…you may be infected…with a
dangerous bug called Self Loathing! (Don’t
worry, it is curable with the right medicine)
Step one: Notice who is should-ing on who. Awareness that you are infecting yourself
(and your kids, as they model your behavior, for better or worse) is half the
challenge. Once you notice, you can even
make a point to pay attention to the positives, to override the habit of focusing
on the negative. The fact is you should
never do anything you “should” do…you should only do what you want to do! Consider the results also…you might want to
eat a quart of ice cream, but do you really want to feel bloated and
sleepy?
Step two: Try this
attitude on for size: We are born with
ZERO resources. We poop in our pants,
our communication is terrible, we sleep a lot (Lazy!), we hardly accomplish
anything in a day, and depend entirely on someone else for our basic
needs. WE ALL START THAT WAY! No Resources.
And, EVERYTHING WE TRY, we fail. We screw it up. We want to walk like all those big people
around us, so we pull up, get on two feet, and BOOM, we take a header into the
coffee table. (Stupid…idiot…what is
wrong with me!?) But, since we don’t have
that language (yet!), we simply notice that letting go too soon caused pain…or
leaning too far to the right led to a poor result. We added some experience and a tiny bit of
resource.
Somewhere, somehow, we developed a thought stream that
failure is stupid, and stupid is bad. It
causes us to focus on the mistake and not the experience…or the resource. What a block to growth!
Imagine expecting failure in early attempts at anything and
everything. Good salespeople have this
attitude…they expect 10 failures for every success. Imagine looking for the wisdom in every
failure. Heck, we might actually become
wise, or get up to 1 success for every 5 failures!
Step 3: This attitude
is caused by a hypersensitivity to “Ignorance” AKA being stupid. Hypersensitivities are shaped in our nervous
system through experience. That means
that the reason you are so offended by stupid or ignorant people is because you
had the experience of feeling stupid or ignorant.
It might have been one BIG experience of Mom or Dad really
getting mad because you made a mess out of something, or it can be slowly
carved by the messaging of our culture…stupid is BAD! We have “You’re stupid” looks and gestures…we
laugh at painful mistakes, even have home video TV shows that highlight
mistakes and pain. I don’t mind the
laughing, I find myself hilarious at times…what is missing in our culture is
the value of mistakes (failure, screw ups, etc.). The value of failure, if we focus on the
value… is growth. The detriment of
focusing on the stupid-ness of the mistake is lack of growth.
So we all have these hypersensitivities, what do we do?
Hypersensitivity responses, in my experience, are best
treated with acupressure tapping. If you
search for EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique, you can easily locate and
download a full system tapping protocol that works well. Armed with your tapping regimen, you relax
and recall the memories of stupidity. As
you recall the ones that make you squirm, or some emotional response, you
perform the tapping. As you approach the
end of the tapping, you look for the value in that experience…you want to
finish with a resource…some gathering of wisdom. Repeat on every look you got from momma,
embarrassing school experience, big trouble, etc. And if you can’t find the resource in the experience…just
tap and move on to step 4.
Step 4: When you
notice the results…and you notice that they are not what you want…just like the
baby, reach out your hand for stability.
Look to people with specialized knowledge, people who have already
mastered walking, and make it look easy (or whatever you are trying to master)…and
ASK FOR HELP.
One common sign of infection (infected with self loathing)
that I see in my office is not doing the diet right (eating “bad” foods) and
not taking the supplements right (missing doses). As well as, “I don’t exercise enough, stay up
too late, don’t drink enough water, meditate, etc., etc.” All those things you “should be doing!” I often reply… “Oh, you too!?” And then share how I am not doing what I “should
be doing.”
I am a collector of resources, however, and I have managed
to improve my health all while NOT DOING MANY THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING. For instance, exercise…I pay gym dues and go
to the gym about twice a month…but I have found a way to keep in decent shape
with 5 minutes a day…in my office, or at home.
I eat pizza and chocolate several times a week, but have developed
multiple ways to “pay off” my indulgences.
I don’t meditate but have found a way to calm my mind by tapping on my
face. I don’t stretch but I use
exercises that challenge a full range of motion and increase flexibility.
And every resource I have found, I found through
asking. Sometimes I ask by reading a
book by someone who has mastered something I wish to master. Sometimes by asking a colleague or friend, and
others by hiring an expert.
And, I choose my experts carefully…a white coat and big
clinic do NOT equal expert in health.
Most of these people are experts in naming your disease and helping you
manage it for life. Success to that kind
of expert is slowing down the progression of your disease.
The experts I choose always fit my life philosophy. I know that some of my experts are more
expert than others, and I value their advice more heavily. I know who my experts are and what they stand
for.
This way, I get advice that works for me to increase my
growth process, and accumulation of resources.
And that makes life easier (nice!).
There you go…if you are infected…and chances are you have at
least a mild case…you now have the 4 step de-lousing formula!! I have been delousing for years, and still
have some signs of infection. These are
grooves in our subconscious that can go pretty deep. Follow this formula and you will notice improvement
(not perfection), that just might approach perfection as you grow and increase
resources.
And remember, you will never have ALL resources, so you will
always be “stupid” to some degree, in some fields, in some ways…don’t fight it,
join the team!
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